Siber-Den
08 July 2001
Zoe Se Mas
For the second time in seven months, I've had to attend a funeral of a family member. My Uncle Louis died Friday morning. He was my dad's oldest sibling, which is saying much since my dad had nine of them and my dad's the youngest. Of all nine of the brothers and sisters, the only ones left are my dad and my Aunt Tula. I feel like an era is too quickly coming to a close.
This was a hard funeral to attend. Stating the obvious, I know. Yes, my uncle had been sick off and on for the past few years. Yes, he's been on his 'death' bed for the past six months. Yes, my uncle was 88 years old. It was still hard. Seven months ago, I said goodbye to another of my dad's brothers, my Uncle Pete. His final years had been spent battling one stroke after another until finally a massive one mercifully ended his suffering. Uncle Louis succumbed to leukemia. And as I sat there and listened to Father Brandon read the short, simple service, I was struck with the realization that my dad and my aunt are next. They huddled together at the end of the first pew, my aunt, who is in her 80's, stooped over with osteoporosis, and my dad, mostly wheelchair bound from his strokes. The last vestiges of a once strong family. It was hard seeing them like that. As I heard the priest recite the prayers, as I heard him speak of a place where there is no illness or pain, tears began to spill over, and I quietly wept. I don't know if I grieved for my uncle. I did in a way. I think more that I grieved for the passing of a family. And I grieved for the last two, whose bodies are so racked with illness and pain, and still they have to come together to grieve for the passing of their siblings, one by one. And I grieved because they've been blessed with long lives, but cursed with outliving their family members and their health. And I grieved for the rest of us. For our loss. and I grieved that one day I would have to say goodbye, one by one, to my siblings, like my dad is now.
Sorry for being so somber this evening. Death is a difficult thing for me. Stating the obvious again, I know. I don't want to let go of the people I love, the people in my life. They form a sort of safety net or security blanket. The world is that much colder and emptier when one of them passes on. And at my most vulnerable, it makes me feel that much more alone. Silly, I know. I'm still surrounded by people I love and who love me. I hope they have some idea of how much I value their presence in my life.
Goodbye, Theo Louis. As they say in Greece, may your memory be eternal. And may your death remind us to live our lives more abundantly. Zoe se mas.
[Posted at 20:27 on 07/08/01]
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