Siber-Den
23 June 2001
I Probably Have No Idea
We just came back from walking Kiwi to the ice house and back. My little brother and his new significant other were there. I'm trying to get to like her. I won't make the same mistake I did with his wife. I won't get so close to her that her happiness becomes paramount. I do want to be on decent terms with the new one though. My brother needs to learn to stand alone when he's in a relationship. This is one of the reasons I haven't given in to hanging out with them and getting close. When things get stressful for him, I can't run interference anymore like I did with his wife. Little did I realize then the harm I was doing by dropping everything and appeasing her for him. He's a big boy. It's time for him to learn to handle his relationship difficulties himself.
Mom and dad drove by while we were at the ice house. Dad looked so fragile. Mom was her usual cheerful chatty self. I love those two. Parents spend their lives wanting the best for their kids, focusing on their needs and attempting to instill in them a need to excel. At some point, the kids grow up and shift part of their focus to their parents' well-being. The cycle of life.
I wonder if my parents were as worried about me when I was a kid as I am about them now.
[Posted at 17:14 on 06/23/01]
Mish Mash
This will be my hodge podge journal entry. There are so many thing going on in my head right now that I'll just make little mentions of them and maybe devote more time to them later.
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My dad is doing a little better. He was discharged from the hospital after nine days. I got to spend father's day with him there, sending my mom off to get a few hours of rest. My special father's day was spent feeding my dad lunch (a good enchilada dinner...hospital food isn't supposed to smell and taste that good:) and talking to him. He'd been in the hospital for a week by then, and the meds had begun to kick in and do some good. It was a relief to see him recognize me and to hear him talk coherently. We just need to get him to the point now where he can sleep through the night and not be so restless. That's where this really begins to wear on my mom.
The prognosis for him is not good. He's been given a 50 percent chance of having a massive stroke within the next six months. It's a weird thing to have to sit around and wait for. I guess that also means he has a 50 percent chance of not having one.
My mom has received a wheelchair for him. She straps him in, gets him to hold on to Galena's leash (Galena fancies herself alpha husky now that Stormy's gone), and has her pull them around the four streets in their neighborhood that complete a mile. Picture a black and white husky pulling a man in a wheelchair with a woman steering from behind. I'm going to have to get a picture of that.
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Work has been getting a bit more manageable. Summer is always the easiest time in the law library business. I'm mostly just trying to catch up from the past two months of being on my own. I think it will finally happen this week. I forced myself to stay home today, just to get some wind-down time. It's been a while since i've missed a day of work.
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For the first time in over a year, I picked up a book the other evening and began to read it. Kev had recommended it to me. It's a pretty fast read, though I still have about 20 pages left to it. It's called into the wild and chronicles different young men who have left their lives to wander in the wilderness. It's an interesting book. I'm hoping to use it to prime myself for something a bit deeper, though i don't know if i can just jump into emile from that. Maybe the war of the end of the world should come next. I have been so needing to read something. With so much going around me, I've sort of neglected nurturing my inner growth these past few months. I'm hungry to read and learn right now. And I've found that the only way I can feed that hunger is by forcing an hour or two every night devoted to just that.
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There's a part of me that feels that things with Kev have suffered slightly with all the stress I've been under. It's hard for me to be my normal open self when all this is biting at me. He's been busy working on his website redesign and that helps ease my feelings of restlessness about us. I don't know. Such a public forum isn't a good place for me to discuss things I haven't even discussed with him. Part of me knows though that he senses my apprehension, though that's too intense a word to describe the way I feel about it. I have become so settled and secure in our life. I shouldn't feel anxious about outside forces and influences. Maybe it's just the chick in me. Maybe it's natural. Love is a strange thing. I wish only the best for him. And want him to be completely fulfilled. I don't want any aspect of my understanding to conflict with that. Maybe that's part of the inner nurturing I need to spend more time on.
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Mary Cutrufello is tonight at rudz. a friend of mine from work is joining us. It should be fun. I'm looking forward to a little intensity from the female Bruce Springsteen from Montrose.
[Posted at 15:24 on 06/23/01]
12 June 2001
Father Vageli
My father's brother, Vageli, who passed away fifty some years ago at the age of 25, visited my dad this evening in his weakened, delirious state and told him that he was going to be ok. That my dad was able to tell us of this 'visit' is remarkable in and of itself.
My father has suffered several minor strokes. Since his neurologist missed this three/four weeks ago when I insisted he get an mri to see if there was any direct cause for his erratic behavior, we've missed the window of opportunity to administer the best drugs to treat him. Last week, he really deteriorated. The flood prevented his admittance to the hospital this weekend, but finally, we were able to get him in Monday. For the first time in days, we were able to do dialysis treatments. For the past three days, he's been completely unresponsive to all of us. Finally today, he's beginning to recognize us.
I'm not sure what the future holds for him. The strokes seem to have affected the language center of his brain, not parts that control movement and walking. He actually walked today. It's a hopeful sign. It's discouraging to see him so weak and struggle to speak. But he's fighting it. It's the only thing each of us is sure of when we see him. Hopefully by the end of this week, the doctors will have come up with a cocktail of drugs that will help him through this.
I'm exhausted. Work, caring for the dogs and cats at my parents' house across town, worrying about mom, visiting the hospital, being scared for dad, dealing with doctors and nurses...they're all taking their toll on me.
I just want him to be ok. I want his brother to be right.
[Posted at 23:33 on 06/12/01]
10 June 2001
Rain, Rain Has Gone Away...Hopefully
For the first time since the fall of '99, I have missed a Reckless Kelly show at the Mucky Duck. Life sometimes has a way of taking precedence over diversions.
The past few days, my life has consisted of rain and dealing with its aftermath. Tuesday night, Kev and I were stranded a few blocks from home while tropical storm Allison dumped a foot of rain in our area. Then Friday night, she turned around and dumped another foot. As a result of her first pass, my car, parked at the side of the road, had a little water damage on the back seat floor. On her second pass, the water got so high, the entire flooring of Kev's truck was soaked.
I've never seen rain like this. I was born and raised in this city. Annual floods are run-of-the-mill experiences for me. Geez, when I was a child, they were a reason to celebrate, no school and a swimming pool down the street to boot. But I've never seen floods that fill freeways and turn them into lakes and rivers. I've never seen floods that spill bayous over their banks to swallow surrounding roadways, houses, and businesses. I've certainly never seen floods that fill and render useless the underground tunnels that connect most of the high-rises downtown.
Kev and I took little excursions to various flooded areas around us. It was scary. At its worst, the southwest freeway, where it dips below ground level for several blocks, was filled with water up to the 20 foot high bridges that span it. We actually walked unto the freeway where the highest water mark was (a huge debris line) and took pictures. What a mess. Today, Kev and I went back to see how the water had receded, and there were a dozen cars spread out where the water had been. Hopefully the occupants had managed an escape before it got that bad. That's what scared me the most while peering out over the murky water. I knew there must have been cars still under there. I wondered if the occupants, after stalling in the high water, had decided to sit out the storm in the 'safety' of their cars or if they had attempted to make it to higher ground on foot. It felt eerie looking out over what might have been someone's watery grave.
On my way back from my parents' house this afternoon, the authorities were diverting traffic off the still working portions of the southwest freeway. I assumed the water finally had gotten low enough and the clean up had begun. Just in time to be completed for rush hour tomorrow morning.
Our usual dry summer will probably follow this. That's Houston weather for you. We don't know whether to pray for rain, or pray for it to stop.
[Posted at 16:24 on 06/10/01]
03 June 2001
Home Is Where Your Heart Is
Wow. We have moved.
Kev started packing a month ago. He owns about 1200 books and that seemed like the most daunting part of the packing. Within a few evenings, all of them were packed, then came the bathroom, then came the kitchen, then came the bedroom. Then micah and gladys came down to help the day before the move.
It went pretty smoothly, except for a few aching muscles and problems with the phone service with which to contend.
The former tenants didn't cancel their phone service. We understand from what the landlord has told us that they were not the most considerate tenants. Maybe we could call them more upscale cro magnons. What man was next on the evolutionary chain? I digress.
Even though Kev was diligent enough to transfer his service, the process can't be completed because the former number is still active. We've been getting calls from friends of the former tenants asking where Jennifer is, singing happy birthday to her on our message recorder, and seeming suspicious when we try to explain to them that their 'friend' is no longer a resident of this house (yes, we killed her AND kept her SW Bell account). The phone service person is here now trying to remedy the situation, but even he seems befuddled by the problem. I guess modern man usually doesn't forget to cancel his phone service. Further proof of their lack of evolutionary development.
The new place is beautiful. It has hardwoods, centrals, washer/dryer (yaay), new paint on the walls, two bedrooms, half a dozen closets, and enough space for us to spend years filling. There's a cleanness to it. maybe the lack of carpeting accounts for that. It's very comfortable. I think we'll be happy here.
Kiwi is a bit confused though. She spent most of this week at my mom's playing with the huskies. Everything here smells familiar...the futon, the bed, her toys, but the surroundings have changed. I can just sense her confusion. But she's happy to be back with her people.
I think I've solved the walking to work problem. Since that was the only exercise I seemed to fit into my very full days, I don't want to stop it simply because we've moved further away from downtown. I think I'll drive to a covered parking lot about two miles from downtown and walk from there. That route will take me along Buffalo Bayou, much safer than the West Dallas route I was taking before. Seems like a lot of trouble, but I'll still save on parking that way ($12 a day) and get my exercise.
Time to unpack and settle in. It already seems like home.
[Posted at 21:18 on 06/03/01]
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